This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
