He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
