Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
