Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Mom said you looked used
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
