god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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