so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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