This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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