Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
