Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
