the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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