they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize