The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
