i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
