At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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