His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
