I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Randomize
