woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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