i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
