My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
