One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
