The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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