i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am naked and annoyed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
