Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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