Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
