I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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