i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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