the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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