I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize