I wish life had little blips of pornography
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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