My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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