i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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