I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Damn victory sex feels great
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
