I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
