I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
