Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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