mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
