do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
