A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
