I wish I only lived at night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
