Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
