Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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