Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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