Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
