Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize