So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
