My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we're making bets on your personal life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
my liver is dry heaving
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
