my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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