grandma shit on top of the toilet
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
