I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
