not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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