i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize