I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
