I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
