omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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