C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
