; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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