i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
