then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
