I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
