i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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