What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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