we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
