It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
