I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
