He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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