it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
