he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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