You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize