I am in a vortex of obligation.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
