I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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