im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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