Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
