Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
