my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
