around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
