The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
