Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
