You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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