If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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