You just made me feel so damn special
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
